Babies Don't Keep

Size newborn clothes, bibs, cribs, onsies, bottles, pacifiers, baby food, burp cloths, and a million tiny socks. All signs you are in the "baby phase." I have been in the "baby phase" for 6 1/2 years now. A long time to do anything, actually. But in this stage of life it doesn't seem that long.

 

We started to trying to get pregnant earlier than planned. We had discussed starting our family around the age of 25. Well, we discovered I had endometriosis and didn't know how long, if ever, it would take to get pregnant. So we tried early. Well, the surgery I had must've been effective because I became pregnant 1 month after trying!

 

I had Leah in December of 2006. I was 22 years old and thought I had all of this "being a mom" stuff figured out. Of course, as soon as she entered the world, I quickly realized I had been quite mistaken. She was beautiful. I was in awe of her. Eric was in love. We had just begun our family. Leah was a fairly easy going baby. She had her bouts of crying, dare I say, screaming. We were blessed with sleep early on. And she could sleep ANYWHERE. Seriously. She would sleep anywhere we went, if she was tired, she would simply go to sleep. Awesome right?!

 

Leah Michelle

 

In December of 2008 I discovered I was pregnant yet again. I woke up after Eric had left for work and something seemed...off. I sat up and immediately thought "I am pregnant." For some random reason (we weren't trying to get pregnant) I had a pregnancy test on hand. Sure enough, the test was positive! And instead of taking 3 more tests like I did with Leah, I was satisfied with the one test result. This was a complete shock seeing I was on the pill. But of course, its not 100% coverage. We found out we were having a boy and Eric was elated! On to choosing a name we went. In September of 2009 I gave birth to Jackson. My 9lb. 6oz. bouncing baby boy.

 

 

Jackson Richard

 

I was now a mother of 2. I was terrified. The first couple weeks I was home alone with them, I cried. Everyday I cried. I had no idea what I was doing! I knew what to do with one, but two?! So, as we finally got into the swing of a routine, it got easier. We all adjusted. However, Jackson was not so pleasant at night like Leah was. He was a screamer. And once you got him to calm down, he would stay awake for hours. He, apparently, didn't get the memo about "sleeping when its dark outside."

 

So here we are, a family of 4. One girl. One boy. Any number of people's wish for their family. And at this point, that was our wish. We could manage very well with 2. It wasn't too hard to find a baby sitter. We could play man to man defense. I had an arm and hand for each child. We've got this. But of course, I have to say to Eric that I would like to try for one more. Just to see what happens. And of course, he says "sure!"

 

We didn't tell anyone we were trying. And I mean no one. Which is unusual for us. We are very open about this stuff. But, we didn't know what would happen or when, and we wanted it to be a big surprise, even for us. In November of 2010 we found out we were, in fact, pregnant again. We were shocked because it sort of snuck up on us. We hadn't been doing any ovulation tests, watching ovulation, pregnancy tests to see if I was yet, nothing. And one day, I had the feeling again. Took a test and it was positive! Of course we couldn't wait and told our family right away. We were still in shock but so excited. We decided not to find out the gender this time. We already had a boy and a girl and found out with them, so we wanted to find out at delivery. I loved that we didn't know the gender, it was very exciting! Although choosing names became more difficult than it had before. We had to choose 2! In August of 2011 I gave birth to an 8lb. 6oz. baby GIRL!!!! Names were up in there air a bit, but we landed on our original choice. Lucy.

 

Lucy Joyce

 

Now, we have 3 beautiful children. All of them healthy and vibrant. I no longer have a hand for them all, but we seem to manage just fine. Leah is going to be 7 at the end of this year. I cannot believe that! Time just flies too fast when your having babies.

 

And now we are entering uncharted territory. For us anyway. We are all done growing our family. No more babies in our house. And that makes me sad. Not because I want to have 12 kids. But because that phase of newness is over for us. The newborn smell. The quiet coos at night. The napping baby on your chest. All of the major "firsts" of sitting up, crawling, walking, first words, first tooth! It makes me scared too. My baby will be turning 2 next month. 2. We are in toddler hood and beyond now. Anything past 6 years old is terrifying to me. I don't know anything about 7 years old. 12 years old. 16 years old. Nonetheless, it is time to embrace the new stage we are in. Not just having babies. Not just growing our family. But raising them. What an honor. What a blessing. What scary roads ahead.

 

 

My three loves. My three babes.

 

I have the Kindergarten blues

Tomorrow at 8:00 I am walking my baby girl to her bus stop. Her very first bus stop. For her very first day of real school...Kindergarten. I cannot understand how we are already here. Didn't we just bring her home from the hospital? Weren't we just terrified because we had this newborn at home and didn't have a clue what we were doing? And then all of a sudden I wake up and she is 5 years old and heading to her bus stop....no problem mom...right? No. Very wrong.



We took Leah to her meet and greet at the school last week. She was thrilled! I really like her teacher, which helped to ease the anxiety a little. That was until I received her bus route card in the mail. I immediately called the transportation office. This is my first time...I obviously have questions. OK. Concerns. Alright, I am terrified!!!! The kind woman on the phone told me all about their procedures for different "what if" scenarios. Thank the Lord they have procedures in place. But even though she tried to put my mind at ease, I know Leah. I know her better than she knows herself. I know that sometimes she is flighty. I know that she can get wrapped up in playing or talking and completely lose focus and stop paying attention. I know that she is my kid. So, like any rational mother, I had nightmares. That's right, full scale, freaking out, waking up a sweaty mess, nightmares.

It went like this. Leah made it to school fine on the bus, had a great day. Then when I went to her bus stop to walk her home, she didn't show up. So, I did what the kind transportation lady told me to. I called them and the school. They ordered all buses back to the school. And I went there to get her. The only problem was, that her bus never showed. Imagine my thoughts waking up after that!!!!!!!!! Seriously. And now I have to walk her to her bus tomorrow...I am just not sure I can handle this.

So, the moral of the post is, PRAY FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I may lose my mind all day. I am sad, scared, very sad, jealous of the teacher's time with her, sad some more, and anxious. Did I mention sad? She is a good kid with a good heart and a good head on her shoulders. She is going to be fine. Mom, however, will struggle through the day. Cannot believe my baby is so grown up already!

Sweet Leah, I love you so much! You are such a blessing and so many of the reasons I smile!

The Working Mom

I find the phrase "working mom" to be interesting. Society tells us that the working mother is a woman that has a career outside of the home. But isn't that title a little repetative? Having had a job outside of the home while my child went to daycare, and now staying home with my kids, I have been able to experience both lives. Working in the salon 4 days a week while my daughter went to daycare was very hard. It was difficult to be away from her, I missed her all the time. When I got home from work, I then had to cook, clean, keep up the laundry, give her a bath, and try to find some time to play with her. It was exhausting! Needless to say my housework was neglected a lot. During this time, I felt incredibly inadequate at simply doing life. The juggling act was exhausting.  Now that I am a stay at home mom, life hasn't gotten any easier. I have 2 children and one on the way. We wake up, early, shower, have breakfast, clean up, play, take my daughter to school, go home, put Jackson down to nap. Meanwhile, I am cleaning, doing laundry, doing dishes, making the menu and grocery list, paying bills...the list goes on. Once the time comes, we pick up Leah from school, run a couple errands, go home, play, start dinner, do dishes, do laundry, eat dinner, clean up, play some more, have baths, and go to bed. Now on some nights, my husband has class, so I am doing ALL of this on my own. So, I am forced to ask myself, why is it that only mothers with careers outside of the home hold the title, "working mom?" My day is full of work. However valuable, priceless, and temporary, I am a working mom. I would like to congratulate every mother on being a working mom. Anyone that is not a mom cannot understand in its entirety what it means the be a mom. It is a 24 hour a day job, everyday of the week. And some day my  kids will get older, they wont rely on me as much. At some point they will grow into adults and move on in their lives. They will need me then, but not rely on me for everything. That day will be sad, but thinking of it right now, in this moment, it's very appealing. Thank God for children, what they teach us and for the opportunity to raise and guide them. I know that my kids have made me a better person. And it is worth all of the work!